200 Days!

First blog post!!

So, I have to say that I really have no clue what to say on these things...

200 days from today!!! 200 days from today, I am getting married. And I have to admit, I'm scared to death. And I think some of that fear is a fear of the unknown, but most of it is because my parents had the screwiest marriage in the history of mankind. My only experience of marriage is a very negative one... and one thing I've learned from our marriage preparation is that we bring into our marriage what we know.

I CHOOSE TODAY TO NOT BRING THAT HURT INTO MY MARRIAGE. I choose to change.

And it's gonna be hard, and I'm gonna fail sometimes. And I know that. But I'm ready to learn. And grow and change that experience into a positive one for the future baaaabies. I'm also scared of big words like MORTGAGE. And... I think that's the only one that really worries me. Because I'm okay with spending forever with that guy right up there. He puts up with AAAAAALLLLLL my shenanigans. He basically should be a saint. Pretty much immediately. I could never ever imagine anyone better.

I'm trying really hard to give this one to Jesus. He did bring us together, after all. And while I say that I trust and believe in His plan for me, it's VERY difficult for a super-planner (or trying to be) girl like me to just... let go. I do not just LET GO well. But I'm trying! I'm trying every day. And that's hard. Like the whole going-to-camp thing? That was certainly not in the plan. I thought I was done after the summer of 2010. I thought I had the feeling. Last summer, the whirlwind trip through Europe felt so right that I KNEW I wasn't supposed to be at camp, except for that quickie trip up there we made. But then... For some reason Jesus told me I was supposed to go back! Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. But I'm giving it up to him. He can have it.

Today, all I have to worry about is finals and going to work. And this wedding. Today, I need to call the florist. FMIL wants to meet with him. I can do that. That's not hard.

Have I mentioned that I am NOT READY for camp? In the slightest? The only thing I've done is bought socks. SOCKS!! I don't even ever wear real shoes!! I'm all about Chacos and FiveFingers and flip flops. Gaaaaaah... NOW I'm stressing.

Jesus, I trust in You. You got this, right? Camp, and this wedding, and finals? You got it. Give me peace in my heart. The grace to be still and know that YOU are God and I am not. You are The Potter, and I'm the clay. Lead my path towards Your Glory.

Until Day 199,
Bobo